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Tuesday 31 January 2023

Reasons Why We Lose Interest In People Who Show Too Much Interest In Us

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rehost2f20162f92f132f23f9cdc1 5d91 4fdb bf2f a4677cb569a9.jpg?resize=648,365 - Reasons Why We Lose Interest In People Who Show Too Much Interest In Us

It’s old news that we want what we can’t have.

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It’s in our complex human nature to admire those who present themselves as unattainable. Because what that means to our emotionally complicated and ego-driven minds is that person is “too good.” And “too good” is just good enough for us. It’s the plot to every romance film — one character is attracted to another character who appears to be out of their league. That’s a dynamic we know well. It conjures feelings of admiration, intrigue, and praise. We’ve become comfortable thinking that love and attraction is about being in awe of someone.

That exact behavior is the same reason we lose interest in people who show too much interest in us.point 590 |

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It’s a dynamic we’re not used to.point 39 | We’ve come to associate courting with a chase.point 84 | We secretly enjoy the thrills and lows that come with love you have to fight to earn.point 153 | It makes us feel like we’re getting something worth our efforts.point 213 |

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We need to know that there is value in something before we can invest in it.point 61 | And when a person is in high demand or hard to reach, we see value in them.point 120 | Once we see those emotional dollar signs, we feel more confident opening up to the person, and our efforts become validated.point 224 | 1

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For many biological reasons, we are attracted to people whom we see as “better” than us.point 89 | The evolutionary point of coupling that results in reproduction is to produce better offspring.point 171 | So on a primal level, we’re going to be more attracted to people who look like they are healthy, strong, and confident, while having the emotional sensitivity to be protective, loyal, and nurturing.point 343 |

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So naturally, whether we’re thinking about it or whether we even want to reproduce, we are conditioned by evolution to want someone whose genes might best combine with our own to “better” our breed.point 183 | But what does that look like? And why are we so turned off when our partners seek the same in us?
point 260 |

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point 0 | point 100 | 1

 

The truth of the matter is that deep down, a part of us all feels unworthy of love.point 172 | A part of us is insecure about our value.point 207 |

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So when someone comes at us showing interest, we assume they have a lesser value.point 67 | It’s never a thought that perhaps they have an equal value, because we’ve unintentionally trained ourselves to believe that anyone who likes us is deeply flawed.point 215 |

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It’s such a common occurrence that one partner loses interest the second the other partner shows equal interest.point 101 | We see that as a red flag.point 121 | 1

But to put someone down for liking you is only putting down yourself.point 178 | The subtext of this dynamic is “What the hell is wrong with you that you’re so interested in me?” We’re uncomfortable in this headspace.point 315 |

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We’re so much more complacent being participants in a chase or being heartbroken because someone we’re interested in has rejected us.point 129 | That has become the safe space.point 155 | We have movies to watch to make us feel less alone and playlists to last a lifetime.point 223 |

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Rejection feels better than unwarranted affection.point 45 |
point 45 | point 145 | 1

 

So yes, part of it is natural impulses — we want to find a partner who is unequivocally valuable.point 232 |

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But an even bigger part of if it is an unconscious insecurity that only gets between us and potential happiness.point 93 | If someone likes us too much, we think there’s something wrong with them.point 160 | If someone likes us enough, we think we can do better.point 204 |

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If someone doesn’t like us at all, our eyes become replaced with cartoon hearts.point 73 | So my question is this: Can the fact that we know why we do what we do help us to not do it? Can we give someone who shows interest in us a chance? Can we we ignore our egos, which say “I can do better” or “There’s something wrong with you if you like me”?point 304 | 1

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